shadsy

shadsy dot net: system portal

polytonal system

we are plural, or a system--a collective existing in one body.

if you aren't familiar with plurality or systems, check out more than one for a basic primer. we won't be going into the education aspect here. this all is an elaborate myspace profile because the host likes that sort of thing. welcome to our twisted mind, and so on. so if you're curious, welcome in!

click the links above to learn about us as individuals. for anything else, check the directory below.

directory

external links

multiple code for nerds: N--$ P[f/gq/bi/qr] A[b r-/^] S.H+/Sd&Bcr/Mcw&Tr/Sa&Mud Ot Mnd Wb/e/w~ C(cc++/m+~) OF(r-/o+) Fa^/#+ Mspi Rp/qp V++!+ Xb/g/q Gg/b/m/a/nb Jo"musician" S(r/o) R+^

⏪ back to goodies

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🐰 rachel 🐰

a/k/a: "bunny", "bailey"

physicality

self portrait

artist's sketch rendition

rachel is short and chubby, with a large chest and hips. she keeps her internal look similar to what the body looks like, although she keeps her hair long to the middle of her back, and on the dark blonde side. she is always seen with her hair tied back in a bow or with a flower crown. sometimes both! she has green-blue eyes and white skin with warm pink undertones. she dresses sweet and feminine, typically with blouses and jeans and a necklace.

other traits that occasionally emerge: swishy tail, bunny ears, harpy-style wings and tail.

history

rachel is the host! she's been here the whole time. she has all the memory of everything and everything stems from her. they say that wolf holds the system together, but it's really her that is the true glue. she is the first to step back when things get too much to handle. the dissociative escapist. it's very hard to write about her; pretty much anything in our original bios is just her.

hobbies and fronting

they ARE the main fronter. the basic personality is all based around her. any medianness we have comes back to her as a default. fluffy, bubbly, a little anxious, sometimes distracted. the multi instrumentalist and road map enthusiast. 20th century history nut. and so on. when she's NOT fronting, she's got everyone on cc tv, she rarely fully clocks out. either that, or everyone's dreaming comes back to her anyway. perhaps that's why she has the earth angel thing going on. don't know if we'll write about manatree here. we'll see!

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🐺 wolf 🐺

a/k/a: "shadow", "cloud", "riley", "kura"

physicality

self portrait

artist's sketch rendition

wolf is about 5'7"-5'8", with an average, slender masculine build. he's slightly broad in the shoulders with some definition in his arms, but little to none in his chest or his abs. very pale skin with olive/tan undertones. deep black hair with blue undertones, clean but grown out and long bangs that can sweep to the side. it is occasionally styled with gel spikes in the back. it's not quite a modern mullet, but it's getting there. hazel eyes (can occasionally be interpreted as yellow or gold). faded self harm scars on his inner arms, with one large scar on his left shoulder. quiet, baritone voice.

inconsistent traits that can pop up: wolf ears, wolf tail. blue or red glowing circutry under his skin. occasionally will appear as a large black wolf, or a similar, more monstrous werebeast. simple silver piercings on both earlobes, helix on right ear, industrial on left ear, right eyebrow, right side of nose, both cheeks.

history

one could say wolf has been here since the beginning, the first other...although it's more accurate that his split was in our early teens. we didn't know what a system or headmate was, and didn't have any resources to do our own research really. all we knew is that there was another part of me, that was different from me, who wanted our life, our friends, who wanted to protect us and hurt us at the same time; who threatened our friends at knife point and hid scissors in our bed. wild!

wolf looked different at the beginning, taking a femme look while keeping his other characteristics. ever since his first emergence, he's always tried to control from the background and keep things in order. while he became much more of a shadow through the rest of high school and part of college, he reemerged to speak with us through role-play characters. he eventually took his modern from sometime in 2014-15 as we confirmed our systemhood.

since our formal recognition, he has tried to hold his position, but has had to yield to allowing 3 others to join us. he has become more reserved over time, but also aware of his own inner turmoil and anger, and his own desires as well. sometimes he hurts because he loves so deeply. he is definitely a man of "the ends justify the means", and still tries to hold his position of protector, to keep us safe. whether he needs to work so hard is still up for debate.

hobbies and fronting

wolf is the Serious Guy. he is definitely the "puppet master" behind the scenes, the shadow at our back, the most common backseater. since he enjoys feeling useful so much, he's usually the one who focuses on the "work" portion of our day job. like most of the core, he sometimes wishes that our body reflected his physicality; that he could have his "own self". most major descisions go through his approval whether we are cognisant of it or not. the shift between rachel and wolf is typically subtle, but noticable to one honed on such things. he will try to deepen his voice if others around are in the know, and wants to make himself known.

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♠️ genesis ♠️

a/k/a: "icarus", "comet", "phoenix"

physicality

self portrait

artist's sketch rendition

gen is on the shorter side and thin besides that. he's like 100 pounds soaking wet. pale white with pink undertones and covered in freckles. his thighs and core is slightly toned. he has bright red-orange hair, messy and wavy to his chin, and emerald green eyes. he's typically seen with two sets of black horns--ram horns on the side of his head, "devil" horns on the top--as well as a black spaded tail. he will occasionally have black raven wings and a dark gradient starting from his hands to his elbow; same from his feet to his knees. sometimes he has very small breasts, sometimes he's flat with top surgery scars. gen's appearance tends to fluxuate the the most--for instance, sometimes his hair will be straight, sometimes it will be longer; sometimes he'll look like a black raven harpy, sometimes he looks more masculine or more "femboy"ish. he's a little demon jester.

history

some say gen has always been here in some shape or form--most likely hiding inside of wolf. when we formally conforonted our plurality, saying "well there's more than one of us", there was the thought that there might be a third as well, we just couldn't put our finger on it. we knew that it was red, and maybe a bit of a slut. but it wasn't a girl. we set that on the back burner while we got heavily into ff7, particularly an AU where we started diving into a certain character. started getting very specific about him! and then we were brainstorming with a friend who casually mentioned "oh what if he was a trans dude". and that was the final piece of the puzzle for genesis to fully form in our brain. wolf fought for maybe 2-3 weeks trying to beat him out with a broom, but gen would not be denied. that's just not his style!

he was really anguished and dramatic when he first came here, and him and wolf used to fight A LOT. gen is the product of everything that gets pent up when you grow up as a small town new england girl, though he's a lot of bark and not as much bite. epitome of the late bloomer queer, wanting to be reckless and get into everything all at once. the primary source of our sex drive also, and crazy about those kind of intrusive thoughts. despite how rough around the edges he is, he does have a good heart. sometimes he'll be begrudging about it, but he does like being useful and deep down, he loves and cares.

hobbies and fronting

gen's hobbies include sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. seriously. he fronts when it's time to fuck, he fronts when it's time to have weed gummies, and wanders around to co-front when we do cool music things that he's interested in. he plays bass and will sing if the mood strikes him. it's pretty easy to tell when he's fronting, especially since his voice comes out VERY distinct from our mouth. when he's not at front, he's chilling with his dildo collection, smoking or reading in his corner of the library.

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⚜ xaedreal ⚜

a/k/a: "gaillardia", "aero gaillaridus"

physicality

self portrait

artist's sketch rendition

xae is the tallest member of the system, with tan skin and a strong build. they are soft but strong in their abs and arms while still being lean. they have blond hair and yellow-green eyes, with a mellow tenor voice. they typically style their hair in a ponytail, but will sometimes wear it down and occasionally have an undercut on the right side.

other traits can include: angel wings--a large pair on their back, and a small pair on their hips; a halo, deer antlers.

history

xaedreal started bubbling around sometime in 2017. wolf was fighting with gen a lot, plus some real life things were coming to a head. xae emerged as a mediator and counsellor for the system...or at least tried to be. we refused to name them or gender them for around a month while they were first emerging. eventually, xaedreal asserted themself and named themself, and from then on they were here.

in the early days, xae would disappear and reappear when needed, acting as kind of a "social worker" style of guardian angel. they've always appeared as a little otherworldly. they also revealed little about themself or their past initially, though we have discovered more over time. before becoming our guardian, they were a power in a holy war, and even before that, they were a holy knight.

they used to have other people to see, but have recently been relieved of their other "charges" and only focus on us. they've become more "integrated" into the system. we thought they had stopped coming and going, but it turns out they have been "checking in" with "the big cheese". okay!

hobbies and fronting

xaedreal also does not front by themself, although they will guide whoever is fronting on occassion in times of extreme stress. they typically take aside someone and will have one on one time with them to soothe or help work through emotions. as mentioned before, they don't reveal much about themself or give personal anecdotes (what we know about them has been tediously revealed over years). they spend most of their time in the library at the desks, doing some kind of paperwork, or dreaming in the forest.

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🦋 luca 🦋

a/k/a: "lynn", "fortune"

physicality

self portrait

artist's sketch rendition

luca is petite, a small frame and slender overall. porcelean white skin and lavender purple hair that is tailbone length. (though shown in this sketch, ce cut her hair recently! it's long in the front and short in the back) ce tends to wear it up in "space buns" or down completely. ce age slides anywhere between 13-18, typically averaging on the older end. ce likes wearing dark makeup and is typically wearing a choker with a heart ring and large hoop earrings. ce tries to present cirself older than ce is.

ce prefers to dress in a "pastel goth" style, borrowing from emo styles popular in the 00s as well. most of the time ce will be well covered (tights with short skirts, a corset over a longsleeve shirt).

history

luca turned up somewhere around 2018, but was only addressed briefly before dissappearing. from then on, ce was in and out for a couple years, and soft recognized in the system around 2020. at one point, ce inadvertantly tried to take over during an identity spat, and tried making new socials and layouts according to cir tastes. it was stopped before it got too out of hand.

ce never tried to truly assert cirself, preferring to hide away in the library and observe. not too much of a story for cir, we think we finally just got to a place where we felt like we were finally "an adult" and got past all of the bullshit of the past, and ce is a snapshot of a time before, who we were. ce looks more of what we wanted to look like back then, so there is some of that as well.

hobbies and fronting

luca does not front willingly and does not like to be at front. ce is an internal member who observes and makes comments to the others. while ce is not the type to "take care" of others, ce can be quiet comforting company. as mentioned, ce prefers the upstairs "restricted" section of the library, where ce has a retreat in one of the aisles. ce likes to listen to music and read in the far back, and has a blanket pile to nap on. it's very much a "hideaway", but ce is content with it.

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the inner world

we might as well talk a little about our inner world. you know, to make this a little less of just a glorified myspace profile. as fun as that all is.

there are three or four major sections of our headspace: the red room, the library, and the forest. there's also the attic and the shoreline, but they're a little less important? less travelled perhaps.

the red room

the red room is the space closest to front, basically like the driver's seat of the car figuratively. the room is red! it's got a red couch where usually whoever is backseating will hang out. or where the fronter will space out to. there's a little mini bar behind it, as well as a baby grand piano set up in the corner. there's also some kind of music player; sometimes it's a record player, sometimes it's just a stereo. other instruments will get set up around here too. on the west side of the room is a sheer curtain that leads to a black void. then, there's a staircase that leads up to the library.

you know how in some old houses, like from the 50s-70s, people would have these finished basements meant for entertaining? with the mini bar and the couches set up? this is like that. my grandparents had a house that had one of those when we were growing up. maybe we drew from that more than we ever thought--it used to be red with that old wood paneling before it got repainted some years later. crazy how you can make those connections! anyway, it's a cozy little place where we can hang out. we can all fit down there and the space morphs a little to accomodate if everyone happens to be down there at once, but that typically doesn't happen.

it's important to know that the red room did not always look like this! before, it used to be a narrow hallway, like a walk in pantry. hardly wide enough for one person to walk through it. it used to be full of little glowing glass jars on shelves, like it was full of memories. full of loves. sometime when we were in college and going through a nasty relationship, wolf completely destroyed this room with his bare hands, smashing it all to pieces. by the time we reaffirmed our systemhood, the red room had been recreated to its modern form. i might grab some of the systober stuff we did a couple years ago to accompany this, since we drew a dramatic recreation of that scene. this is something that wolf only told us about later.

anyway: the red room! great spot. 10/10.

the library

the library is probably the oldest place in our headspace, as we imagined it as our "inner world" before we even were aware of ourself as plural at all. i'm talking like middle school. i wrote a livejournal entry about it that's now COMPLETELY lost to time! way back then! to be honest, the library hasn't changed much over time, except maybe that it's less well lit. this is based on a real library back in my home town: it's no longer there (i think the building is used for city hall now), but it was so unique to me that i imprinted on it.

there's a wide open space in the middle just with reading tables, and in front of that in the west corner, is "the kids section" (that's where it was in the real life equivilant). i say that, but that's where gen hangs out when he's not at front. it's got a little carpeted section, a couple beanbag chairs, and some shorter shelves that are cornered next to the taller ones. gen keeps his weed and his dildo collection here, as well as whatever trinkets he has. a mini seraphim altar. as well as his own reading material, ranging from classic literature to porn magazines. it's a bit of a messy nest, but rather contained in its space.

moving to the east side, there's a balcony and a loft section, but under the loft is the administrative section, where there's a working desk as well as reference books. this is where xae tends to do their work when they're in the library, sheltered below here. there's a catalog down there as well.

upstairs on the balcony is where the "restricted section" was in the real life library. there are several rows of book shelves, but down one of the middle ones is where luca's little hideaway is. there are some pillows to make a comfy place to sit, a bucket seat, as well as her things: some stuffed animals, a cd player and cd booklet, as well as any of her books. ce really doesn't stray too far from here terribly often--it's her little safe space.

the library is quite big and open overall; a lot of the bookcases are tall and line the walls, and only get really dense under the balcony and upstairs. it has a dim, warm light to it. it used to be more blue and daylight toned, but now it's kind of permenantly in a dusky night state. rachel hardly ever goes up to the library to hang out, only to check in. wolf's about the same, since he spends around the same amount of time at front himself. but the library is a nice space, and clearly has been a constant for many years. there are stairs going down to the red room on the south side, and there's an old timey hatchdoor with a pull down ladder on the northwest side.

the forest

the forest is a newer addition, manifesting sometime after xaedreal showed up. it's an ethereal forest that's bathed in blue tinted pale green light. it's pretty grassy, and there's a clearing in the middle of it. there's a big tree with weepy branches that rachel and luca favor sitting under. there is also, courtesy of gen, a statue of seraphim sephiroth in the middle of this clearing; it's stone and covered in moss. crows like to nest on and around it.

the forest is a pretty liminal space and ties into our own internal "religion" of sorts. we have our own beliefs about divinity, and how that manifests in us, that doesn't really match up with any "real" religion. it's a little embarrassing to talk about, but this space has a lot about it. so does mana tree, a tumblr blog where we curate that kind of "aesthetic". if we need to have a real navel gazing chat, this is where it tends to be. it's easier to shapeshift here, and a good place to meditate. if this space is based on anything, it's based off the mana sanctuary area from sword of mana. complete with its music, honestly! we all come to the forest for slightly different reasons, but it calls to us in its own way.

lesser spaces

the attic

the attic is wolf's little hideaway. it's a small space, with its eaves tented like a roof. it's basically a little bedroom; there's a bed, a desk, and a small piano up here as well. wolf created this space for himself to get some peace and quiet and have room for himself. as of writing this, he hasn't used it as much, probably because he has been quite close to front and active lately. i believe he made that space back when gen was co-fronting a lot more, and had enough of his mania for the time being. it's pretty heavily basd off our animal crossing new leaf house, where we made a little room in the top floor of the house that was wolf themed. the attic is actually smaller than that! but it suits him.

the shoreline

the shoreline is very simply that: it's a sandy beach that looks out to an endless ocean. i think it's somewhat connected to the forest. this is just a place to look out at. you know that meme where the horse is at the ocean and it just says "MAN" in impact font? this is that place. we love the ocean, so it does fit that there is a spot on headspace for it.

the rooftop

i actually am not sure if the rooftop exists anymore, but it did between when gen arrived and until we moved out of the apartment we were living in. i think the latter is a big influence, because it was just a building/apartment rooftop, with endless sky above and around us. wolf and gen used to come up here quite a bit. gen a little more, because he would stretch his wings and fly around up there. we haven't evoked that space in a while, and there was a thought that maybe wolf repurposed that whole space to turn into the attic. wolf has a lot more power over headspace than he realizes. i'm sure we could evoke it at any time.

final thoughts...

headspace is a comforting place. it's a cool place to hang out. it might be a little mundane, but it's ours and it's home.

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the system iceberg

i think every system has their own personal mythos, whether they realize it or not. especially the more you get to know your headmates and your own inner world. it will get significantly more personalized and specific the more you get to know each other. like maybe that's just us? but it can't be.

anyway, here are just some bullets that may or may not get elaborated on.

i guess we'll start with the names thing

the divinity thing, briefly

therian/kin/furry shit

introject and fickin, briefly

intrasystem bullshit

full disclosure: we TRY not to dump intrasystem stuff publicly, because there's so much nuance to it that others might just not understand. there's crazy shit that goes on in our mind palace that might not fly if it happened to separate people in real life. but it's fine.

the more clinical lens

emoji logic, and other symbolism

other thoughts...

we'll probably add more quirks to this some day. another aside is that we DO NOT participate in the discourse flavor of the day in social medias. we are 30 or 40 years old and don't have TIME for that. we have spent plenty of time holding our head being like "what if i'm faking it" to just accept people at face value. Rachel @ Polytonal Sez: Just Be Niceys!!!!!

okay. that's it. thanks if you've gotten to the bottom of the iceberg! please don't be weird about us.